Trapped

How is it that I still feel trapped,

After all this time?

Is this what men do?

Trap you?

Don't meet your needs,

But then just still keep you 

Trapped?

What in the fuck is that bullshit?

Just let us go. 

You'll be doing a good deed.

On the other hand, 

If you can meet our needs,

Like you know,

Love. Loyalty. Integrity. Respect.

Maybe we wouldn't feel so trapped,

But feel those very things instead. 

If you can't keep your focus, 

On who you're supposed to be loving

Then perhaps you are just lost. 

And shouldn't bring someone else into that,

Who is looking for true security. 

The Game

 It's so dumb. 

And I shouldn't still be in it. 

I thought I retired from it

Like 5 years ago.

But it turns out I'm still in it

And it's the most bullshit 

To ever exist in life. 

Why?

It's only proof that you haven't found the right one-- 

Because if they were,

You wouldn't still be stuck in this game

Of bullshit. 

I love myself,

And that is enough.

I just wish I was around others who loved themselves too. 

Because if they did,

They wouldn't still be in this bullshit game too. 

I just want out. And find my person,

Who gets it. 

ENOUGH!

I'm tired of people telling me

I'm not enough.

Not doing enough,

Not being enough.

Why is this always the case?

I'm coming to terms that these people,

Perhaps,

Are in fact the ones, not satisfied  

In doing enough,

In being enough.

So, they feel the need 

To put their self-dissatisfaction, on me?

The scapegoat. 

 

Why do you care 

How much I accomplish in a day?

I am not monitoring your productivity, am I?

Would you like me to?

Well, guess what 

I. Don't. Care.

Because 

Your business is not mine,

And my business is not yours. 

SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!

Verbal, Mental & Emotional Abuse

When you are stuck living with a verbal & mental abuser:

You need to keep your distance from them 

As much as possible

Until you can find your way out of that situation.

It will take some time, 

But if they are constantly trying to tear you down

You must just keep your distance

And understand this:

It is their problem

Their pain

Their insecurity

That they are taking out on you.

Just know that whatever verbal abuse they are putting on you,

Might as well be gibberish. 

And it has NOTHING to do with you. 

Just remember that they need help 

And healing

But it doesn't have to come from you

If you are being the abused in the process. 

Bordum

Can make people do 

Really terrible things. 

My suggestion...

Get a hobby,

And leave people alone. 

Appreciation

People in your life

Who don't appreciate you 

And your accomplishments--

Belong in the trash. 

Boundaries

If you create them, 

And they are not respected,

Then they can't be your friend. 

Friendship is about boundaries,

And respect.

If you didn't have boundaries to begin with,

Like when you were young,

Then it was a free-for-all for everyone else.

Of course they'd want to be your friend,

Because they had no boundaries to respect. 

But once you start creating them, 

And that becomes a problem for others,

Then maybe they just weren't a true friend to begin with. 

Sometimes

All you need,

Is one song--  

To turn your day around. 

Free Art

Because my artistic self-expression

Is not about money.

...........

...........

...........

But it could make some!

Healing

Just like most wounds, 

They heal. 

So aren't you

Healed yet? 

Or are you creating 

New wounds for yourself, 

So you can continue the same process

All over again--

Because it's just what you're used to?

Well, just remember that

Not all wounds 

Require a lifetime of healing. 

And it's up to you to discern-- 

Which ones have fully healed,

Which ones have not,

And which ones you keep reopening.  

Special...

 Nothing yet. 

Loneliness vs. Alone

I'd much rather have loneliness

Being alone,

Than have loneliness,

Being with someone else. 

When I am truly alone,

I am happy. 

Because for some reason

These "relationships"

Always cause this loneliness.

I've just discovered

I am longing for Self,

Because she is lost every time,

I am with most others.

 

Narcissism

It's a hell of a drug. 

Stonewalling

In relationships...

Just know it's a form of emotional abuse,

And not going to end well.

Outgrowing Friendships

Because perhaps you grew to realize,

That it was in their best interest 

To have your friendship,

Rather than yours. 

Money

 About that... we'll get to that later. 

Respect

A little story:

They decided to go in his car,

But the passengers side was filled with trash...

So she started to toss it all in the back,

So she'd have a place to sit.

And then he yelled,

"Have some respect!"

.........

.........

.........

Perspective. 

Better Life

How do you build a better life,

When all you feel is that the currents are all wrong?

How do you build happiness,

When you are stuck,

In the grip of vampires 

Who just keep you around

To suck you dry?

I have fallen victim

Again,

To the self-serving.

To the ones who just use you

Day in and day out, 

And do not care how much pain they cause you. 

How do you get out, 

And create the best life you deserve? 

Schadenfreude

It means....

"... the experience of pleasure, joy, or self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of another... 

Schadenfreude is a complex emotion where, rather than feeling sympathy, one takes pleasure from watching someone's misfortune."

It literally translates to... "harm-joy."

I came across this "Schadenfreude" with someone this evening, first hand, when I was just minding my own business, trying to improve myself and skill-- and was so affected emotionally by that persons' lack of human decency thereafter. But what is even more sad than that is this: that this happens to so many people more than we think-- all, the, time.

So out of what, low self-esteem? Insecurity? Jealousy? I feel those things all the time, but for some lucky reason for me, I don't get to the point of Schadenfreude. 

I just want to live a happy, healthy, life. How can one go through life feeling 'good' from seeing others misfortune?

All I can say in response to that is this:

If that person is you...

You have not truly lived, my friend. You have not truly lived. 

Inspiration

Some people like to wander from place to place

For Inspiration.

Others like to wander from person to person

For Inspiration.

For the latter,

Don't ever let someone make you a slave

To their selfish so-called inspiration

That just leaves you empty and dry.

They will call it love,

But don't be fooled

They are just lost, empty souls

Who haven't found themselves yet.