Pain & Practice

        As I approach the second month of recovery from my knee injury, I think about pain & the practices that go along with easing it. In Western medicine, we usually turn to pills: painkillers & the like. In Eastern medicine, they practice herbal medicine, acupuncture, yoga & meditation. And now that I am technically considered a "Certified Sound Healing Practitioner," I still think about the nature of "practice." When we want to strengthen a skill, like in music, we must practice. When we want discipline, we must practice. And in many cases, when we want to heal old wounds, we must find a practice to cope with them. 

        But does the pain ever go away? Are we diligent to these practices to just keep the pain at bay? When does a practice cure the pain for good? To be honest, I have been lucky enough to not have to deal with chronic pain on the daily. But this injury has given me a different perspective. When we say chronic pain, we are accepting that the pain is here to stay. I don't accept that. I know there are some deep-seeded beliefs that say somehow our baseline of existence is pain & suffering. I beg to differ. I believe that our baseline of existence is peace, love, & joy. But the human evolution of existence has pulled us away from that baseline. So... far... away. Our baseline is with the frequency of nature, and we have become so isolated from the Mother Earth connection, we have forgotten who we really are. Alive. 

        Yesterday I was feeling very depressed and lost. I felt restless & hopeless in my existence. But I knew once I removed myself from society & immersed myself in nature, I would feel better. And I did. I remembered who I was again. At peace, with love, and simply alive. It was that simple. I suppose that would be my most consistent "practice," the practice of "naturing." 

        So, when I think of pain, I think of roots; not the topical remedies or salves we apply to temporarily ease the pain, but the fundamental source of existence which removes it at the baseline. Now, I am not saying that life exists with no pain-- it is just another feeling like any other that comes and goes, if we let it. But, in no circumstance do I believe that the baseline of existence is pain. I think somehow we have become conditioned to believe this is so. Is religion the cause, perhaps? I was never accustomed to religion. I think we have come to identify ourselves with pain, and without it, who are we? Well, this is one belief, but there are others. There are ways, in fact, to "nip it in the bud." We just have to find the right practice which provides the proper root healing, rather than just temporary relief; so that pain becomes just a visitor to our existence, and not who we are. 

 

Venting

Sometimes, you feel like you need to release something, but don't know what or how. There are so many modes of release: of frustration, grief, sadness, anger, etc. And I felt a need to express something for the past few days, but didn't know what I needed to say or do exactly. That's when freewriting can come in handy. You just start writing (or typing), and then you create the space for that release to happen, naturally.

Since my assault & knee injury happened almost 6 weeks ago, I began to delve into the practice of sound healing. Now one of my first thoughts is, "here we go again, Joy, with another business venture idea..." And what I realized is that each idea will always require the same kind of action in order to become a successful "business." It's hard to see a healing practice as a business. It just seems counter-intuitive. But yet, I have been going back to the drawing board, time and time again this past decade basically, trying to find the thing that works. The thing that just clicks, and the "business" kind of just flows naturally. But this idea allows me to incorporate sound & music, but with a more somatic approach. And I think the presence of my knee injury with the ever presence of music have brought me to this realization. 

So yes, I am getting a fourth certification in a different field of "business" or "work." (If you're wondering what the others are, they are a Real Estate License, & certificates in Human Rights Consulting & Happiness Coaching). But this one might be in the most alignment, because it involves music & sound, for healing. Not only do I have a natural interest in sound healing, it might be a way to help me release stored trauma I might still have in my body. So we shall see. 

The interesting thing is, I never realized I was self-healing myself with sound since I was a baby, but I just didn't know that's what I was doing. Because music is a natural self-soothing mechanism. Naturally, I wasn't trying to sing or make music to become some brand or famous person, or to make a living as your typical definition of a musician, per se. I was making music because I was using it as a therapy to heal my emotional & mental wounds. For healing myself.  And I've come to terms with that recently, and I am okay with that. 

So when I think of the difference between a Musician and a Sound Healing Practitioner, they are one in the same. Because I believe the true essence of a musician is a sound healing practitioner. But with the development of the music industry, and turning music & its musicians into commodities, we strayed away from the true purpose of music, which has been practiced by cultures for healing purposes for thousands of years.  So, instead of separating myself from music entirely, I have discerned the difference between the music industry, and the music itself. I can step away from one, without stepping away from the other. And that, is a sound thought & feeling. 

Day 35

         So, it's day 35 since my knee injury. I started slowly walking on it with a knee brace by day 10, and the swelling went mostly down by day 24. But then I had a slight relapse on day 31... new year's eve. I began to resume my nature walks, which I had made a habit of throughout my thirties. So I went to the river nearby for a feet cold plunge. Upon my research of knee effusion prevention & knee injuries, I had learned that cold plunges were actually very beneficial. So I tried it, with just my feet to start, and I made it to 20 seconds of feet plunging! It really burned, like pins & needles. But my warm socks & boots made for a really nice foot sauna afterwards. 

        On my slow, careful walk back, I had a bit of an obstacle set before me. I had to find a way to step down from a snowbank onto the dirt road. I did not have my crutches or cane with me, just my knee brace. So I had to be strategic on how I would step down from the bank without impacting my knee again. I thought, if I stepped down on my good knee, then most of the impact would go onto that leg and would keep my injured knee safe. So, without further thought, I stepped down onto my good leg.... But as I was already in motion, I realized that I should have gave this obstacle a bit more thought.... Because what happened next was... I think you can gather what happened next. The momentum from the first step down propelled my body forward, forcing me to take another step with almost as much force.... 

        Well, you can imagine what happened then. I took the next forceful step on my injured knee. It hurt. I didn't collapse, which was good. And I managed to walk back to my car, but it was painful. And so I relapsed. What's the saying, "for every one step forward, you must take two steps back..."? This was a lesson in mindfulness. If only I had took the time to think just a bit further beyond my first thought of action, I could have prevented this relapse. Isn't that what they do in chess? Always thinking 3 or more moves ahead of their opponent? Well, that is what I learned. Not only do I have to slow down in my physical action, I must learn to slow down in my thought process. Hence, mindfulness.