Battles of Home, Partnership, Culture & Identity

Not only is it hard enough to find your place in society, it seems even more difficult to find your place in partnership & homestead. If you have been fortunate enough to have found that, well, I congratulate you all on such a vital achievement. 

When there is so much conflict between cultures in society, the last thing you want is that same battle in your home & with your partner. I guess it's just a continuous struggle of trying to find "your person" with whom you can go through life with, if that even exists, without feeling that you are at constant war with each other. There is enough conflict out there in the world, why stand to have that in your home too?

So, the solution? Keep searching, I suppose. Until you can find someone with whom you can be at peace with, especially if you've exhausted all efforts to find peace with your current partner. It's already tiresome enough to make it in the world around you, there's no need to bring it into your home and relationships too. We deserve better than that. 

The Loyalist & The Gaslighter

    We often come by these relationship dynamics: the one who is too loyal, and the other who... isn't. There can be downfalls to both. The loyalist could become too controlling because the other isn't as loyal as he, which in turn can turn the other into a Gaslighter. Both are unhealthy, and is a recipe for disaster. 

    The Loyalist: these people are zoned in on the one, the relationship, and ways it can grow and improve. They cut off any possibility of progression with any other person, because they know if they divide their attention, it will just weaken their bond with their one. This could be problematic because they are just focused on the one, and it could be more suffocating rather than freeing and loving to the other. However they still remain loyal, it may be the source of their own demise with those who don't do the same.  

    The Gaslighter: this person tends to be the lesser of the loyal partners, they like to keep their options open and explore other connections and relationships, leaving their partner to only being one of many. This causes problems for The Loyalist because they pick up on this outside diversion and attention, and may feel cheated or betrayed. Because the Gaslighter doesn't want to feel any guilt or shame in this, so just they tell The Loyalist that they are crazy and everything is all in their head, which is what Gaslighting is. It is not acknowledging a truth in fear of losing that partner, because they want to have both. But both doesn't work for The Loyalist, just the one will do. And this is why so many relationships fail. 

    

The Savior Complex

As I grow older, I have seen more and more people who feed off of this 'savior complex' (I just googled this term, and it's an actual psychological term). That they constantly put themselves in this position to "save" others who in fact just need temporary help, only see them in this permanent position of lack. Therefore, the "savior" can feel a sense of purpose within themselves by feeding off this persons' supposed sense of "need." And this is a false sense of self and worth, only creating a type of jail cell for the one they think they are "helping." It is in fact, the self-proclaimed "savior" who is in need of help. 

So.... if you all could.... Just. Stop. 

The way I see it, these self-proclaimed "saviors" have a lack of self and identity. They feel worthless if they are not putting themselves in this false sense of superiority. It is not natural for humans to constantly need help by another, except for perhaps in the first stages of life, as any child needs, or perhaps someone with a disability. But even with that, independence and self-reliance is obtainable. There are times, yes, but it is not a consistent need that one person can provide. These "saviors" are constantly looking to save others not to actually help someone to their feet and to independence, but to continue this false sense of "needing" and dependence from the other, for the "saviors" own sense of self-worthiness. So what does this say about these people's sense of self? 

I have learned that this "savior complex" comes from people who are just as lost, and feel that if they are helping a "helpless" person, they will always be seeing themselves in this sense of superiority, which is truly false. It is a kind of reverse psychology that, the one who thinks they are "saving" is actually the one needing to be saved.