The Art of Solitude

So, I've just calculated that I am coming up on my 2 year anniversary... of single-hood. I'd like to view this as a celebration rather than a pity party, because I think that valuing my time being completely independent is important. Today, I went to an outdoor concert all by myself. It was good to experience-- to feel the loneliness and solitude for what it is, and to rid the insecurity and shame that can go with it. It's important to enjoy your own company, because if you can't than who else will?

I sat on the lawn of this mini festival alone for two hours, surrounded by couples with their children running around joyously, watching the various bands perform on stage. I felt exposed and insecure at times, but would just notice those anxieties ebb and flow. It was a good practice. I didn't talk to anybody, just observed my surroundings, and tried to feel comfortable and safe in my own skin in my own solitude.

I'm glad I went, because I wanted to go. Usually, I wouldn't go to events that interested me if I didn't have anyone to go with. But because friends and date prospects have been so consistently bleak as of late, I couldn't let my fear of exposed lonesomeness stop me from enjoying things in life any longer. I had to break that cycle, and today I did just that. And I am very proud of myself for that.

The thirties are so different from my twenties. As the majority of my friends and family start committing all their time to their significant others and families, going out and doing fun activities aren't as common as they were in my twenties. So, I can only hope that my turn will come to find that special someone, to essentially do everything with. But I am also not trying to just settle down with anyone just because I want to escape loneliness, so I'm practicing to enjoy my own company for now, and to not be shameful or insecure about it either.

I'd like to see it, this practice of exposed solitude, as an art. There is a beauty that goes along with doing things alone, and for everyone to witness. Instead of feeling sorry for people partaking in these activities of solitude (myself included), I'd rather commend them for their bravery and self-reliance (myself included!). Not that I want to participate in this solitude forever, but there is something to be said for this unique kind of experience in life. So, instead of choosing shame and insecurity, I'll choose gratitude.