At this point in my life, I've found myself reliving a time when I was 16 years old, a time that I did not realize was traumatic until recently into my adult life.
I was living in a home meant for a family, but alone. What was once a family of six, family members had drifted away one at a time, until there was no one left but me, and our sweet dog, Bandit. I remember burrowing into my bedroom, because the rest of the house was too large and empty to feel at home. So my bedroom became my only little sanctuary with life. It was a time I remember of loneliness, abandonment, and neglect. When I look at it in hindsight, it was one of my most traumatic memories of my adolescent childhood.
Yet, here I am again, 18 years later, living in a house meant for a family, alone. How did I let this happen again? Why did I attract this dark time back into my life?
I wish I had the answer.
All I know is this-- what we experience and learn in childhood, we grow up thinking it's what we deserve for the rest of our lives in adulthood, even if it's unhealthy-- which simply is not true.
We are meant to grow through life to UNLEARN these traumatic and damaging habits we learned as children. We do deserve better, and we will attract better. We just have to believe we can.
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